39/Card27
From Various
[edit] Card 27
[edit] Summary
For almost a hundred years, rumors have swirled about a monster living in the murky depths of Loch Ness in Scotland. Some speculate that the Loch Ness monster, or Nessie, is a dinosaur. Some speculate that Nessie is simply a type of animal that hasn't been discovered yet. Others think that Nessie is simply a story made up to keep nosy people out of Loch Ness. These pictures were taken by a twelve-year-old local boy, Paul Addison, who liked to boat on the frigid loch. He sent in his photo to Charlie Wallace, a local man who runs a Loch Ness souvenir shack and a blog about Nessie. But when the photo appeared on Charlie's blog, it had been doctored. Paul Addison wondered why. Unfortunately, Paul Addison is missing now and can't ask any more pesky questions.
| Card #27 - Location: Loch Ness | |
 
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[edit] Top Secret
Stolen Archive file 27: Screenshot of Charlie Wallace's website devoted to the Loch Ness Monster
(can also be seen at http://www.nessielives.com/ )
(Browser pointing to www.nessielives.com)
(Header "Nessie Lives")
(Map of Scotland, Northern Ireland, and England, with box around Loch Ness area)
Merchandise
Are you a believer? Show your support for Nessie by displaying some of our unique collector's items. Almost 100% of profits go towards the Nessie Discovery Fund, an organization devoted to exposing the truth and putting all those "scientists" in their place. 1
(t-shirt with "Nessie Lives")
Nessie Lives T-Shirt -- $19.99
Take a stand against the "scientists" by wearing the fashionable "Nessie Lives" T-Shirt. Machine washable,2 one size fits all,3 made from 100% organic cotton.4
(green mug with "Nessie Lives")
Collectible Nessie Mug -- $14.50
Actually makes coffee taste better!5
The Truth
Nessie is the nickname for the large aquatic animal who lives in Scotland's Loch Ness. While members of modern species rarely live beyond 100 years, Nessie is an ancient creature who has resided in the loch for thousands of years. She is not dangerous to humans but is shy and prefers to remain hidden. However, Nessie is very protective of her underwater lair and will defend it when she feels threatened. For this reason, you should NEVER explore the bottom of the loch.
The Lies
Modern "scientists" have tried (and failed) to prove that Nessie is a myth. Their "theories" cannot explain Nessie's uncommon life span, which makes them look stupid. For the past century, the "scientific community" has mocked the real scientists: the adventurous men and women who have documented Nessie sightings.
FAQ's
What does Nessie eat?
Nessie is a lass with a hearty appetite! She consumes huge amounts of the zooplankton that thrives in the loch.
I want to see Nessie for myself. Any tips?
1. Bring Food
Improve your chances of a sighting by bringing some of Nessie's favorite snacks: grapes, pork chops, bananas, and lasagna.
2. Play Music
Draw Nessie to the surface by playing her favorite tunes. Nessie has shown a fondness for Beethoven, the Beatles, Madonna, and, of course, the soothing sound of bagpipes.
Why Loch Ness?
Nessie has had plenty of opportunities to move, but she's quite happy in Loch Ness, thank you very much. Not only does the loch's ecosystem serves(sic) her needs, Nessie has grown fond of bagpipe music and would not want to leave Scotland.
About the webmaster
Charlie Wallace has lived in the Loch Ness area his whole life and has had dozens of personal encounters with Nessie. If you're ever in Drummnadrochit, visit his Nessie Shack and sign up for a guided tour of the loch!
(footnotes)
1. Actual percentage is closer to 23%, but that's not too far from 100 ... everything's relative. What are you, some kind of statistician? That's a type of scientist!
2. Shirt may shrink, change colors, or dye the rest of your wardrobe a lovely shade of green.
3. Except anyone particularly short, tall, large, or small.
4. Who can really tell the difference?
5. May vary among individuals.
